Hearing about the life experiences that led to his awakening made his writing all the more compelling, and I felt a deep desire to know more. In 2015, I went on to read Singer’s autobiography, The Surrender Experiment, which tells the story of his journey from young man to successful entrepreneur to spiritual guru over the course of several decades. I used the book like a roadmap for my personal growth, guiding me on a journey of self-understanding that I was only dimly aware I had embarked on. I was astonished to read Singer describe in precise detail what I was experiencing inside in a way no one ever had before. I read it once, and then I kept reading it year after year. I needed some wisdom on the intense worries and fears beginning to rage within me: Would I succeed? Would I fail? Was I making a terrible mistake that would end my career before it had even started? Someone recommended the book, and I ordered it.
Late one night, I was browsing Quora, searching for practical answers to my existential questions. I felt like I was at the center of a slowly constricting circle, the emotional borders of my life closing in on me inexorably. The truth is that life demanded it of me in order to survive. I wish I could say I was a naturally spiritual person courageously seeking out answers to the big questions of human existence. I wish I could say I sought out personal growth on purpose. I constantly found myself in uncomfortable situations – with disappointed clients, or marketing my services, or expressing my ideas with confidence – that I felt completely unprepared to handle. I thought that if somehow I could just not feel those feelings, I would be happy.īut my desire to start my own business had plunged me into a world of tremendous uncertainty and turmoil. Fear, anxiety, disappointment, helplessness, and rage were my enemies, and I arranged my life to avoid them as much as possible. I wasn’t able to simply be with many of my emotions. When I think back to the young man I was at this time, in my 20s, I see someone who felt threatened by life. The first rush of excitement at my newfound freedom had waned, and I was beginning to feel the turbulence of the uncertain freelance world. I first read it in 2014 about a year after becoming self-employed. One book has impacted me more than any other over the past 10 years: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
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